"The clearest indication of character is what people find laughable."
~Goethe
My boyfriend is a complete lunatic. Seriously. He regularly converses with himself (ok, maybe we all do. He just does it at a diaphragm-taxing volume). He tells the sales lady at the Halloween store that we’re looking for tights (for him to wear) to “spice up our relationship,” when I’m really just shopping for false eyelashes. Apropos of nothing, he will break into an air-drum solo, complete with percussive sound effects, which will go on at least a minute longer than is comfortable; and he doesn’t walk across a room, he struts in a manner that can only be described as a near-perfect imitation of an ostrich.
One day he called me and spoke entirely in an unidentifiable, but mostly Russian-sounding accent. I hung up the phone and burst out laughing. In my experience, much of what couples communicate to one another throughout the day is mundane, but his message and thus, that moment, were made more fun by his silliness.
That’s why I liked this quote, pilfered from one of Gretchen Rubin’s daily Moment of Happiness emails. “What people find laughable” can be described as bare-bones silliness, and silliness occurs when we act childlike. Children are unencumbered by self-consciousness, and in not caring what others think, they act in an authentic manner. Because authentic behavior is a manifestation of an individual’s character, my BF’s childlike goofiness, at its core, says a lot about him:
He’s got integrity. Basically, what you see is what you get. If he doesn’t care what you think of him, then he has no reason to lie to you about anything. If he is a good person—and he is—the only way to not care what others think is to always act with good intentions. Having done so, it is much easier to shrug his shoulders and ask himself, “Whaddya gonna do?” when someone has an adverse reaction to an action or behavior of his.
He doesn’t take himself too seriously. Life doesn’t always have to be about making an impeccably good impression. Sometimes being the class clown is more rewarding that being the teacher’s pet.
He thrives on spreading the love. I’m betting my BFs shenanigans are not solely for his benefit. If he can get a laugh out of me, or his 6-year-old, or the disgruntled postal worker, then he will stage a sword fight with an invisible opponent in a crowded room. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, but usually everyone is laughing, and he is always laughing, and I think maybe that’s the whole ridiculous point.
For most of us, self-consciousness prevents us from doing so many things. Fear of looking awkward keeps us from taking that dance class. Fear of failing traps us at our dead-end job, and stagnates our entrepreneurial dreams. Fear that we don’t remember a colleague’s name prevents us from saying hello, and fear of being alone stops us from ending an unhappy relationship. If we look clumsy/take a risk/make a mistake/are alone, what will our neighbors/mothers/bosses think? As a result, an assessment of our characters based upon our silliness might say something like, “Basically a good person, but really needs a vacation. Or an attitude adjustment. Or a roll in the hay.” The footnote scrawled at the bottom of this evaluation in cheery yellow letters would read, “Loosen up! Life’s too short to be so serious all the time.”
The fact that the neighbors surely think he’s insane, or that the sales lady thinks we’re sex freaks, doesn’t affect my BF whatsoever. And when it really comes down to it, there’s no reason why it should. His zany behavior speaks volumes to his enjoyment of each moment and his belief that he is motivated by goodness, as well as to the reward he gets from his happiness rubbing off on those he encounters. It seems my BF knows intuitively what philosopher Lao Tzu described when he said, "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."
And it is this idea that makes him a character I can stand behind. Or hide behind when he starts belting out the absolutely incorrect lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” while standing in the grocery checkout line.
